Zombie College: The 5 Rules of Lab Safety

Zombie College: The 5 Rules of Lab Safety


Earth. Beautiful, isn’t it? That is until we screwed everything up. My name is Amy Shields, college student of 3 days, 14 hours, 12 minutes. You know they tell you in high school how important it is to prepare for college, so that you can survive freshman year. Shoot…I’m just trying to survive the first week. Jack! Over here! Amy, this way! I hope you know how to throw. It’s not working! Professor McClean? Beaker bombs…ain’t chemistry cool? Come with me. Bring the cupcake. Hurry, hurry. That was close. Professor, where are you taking us? Back to the beginning! Stay tight, stay close, no texting. Beginning of what? Hurry up…hurry up! Access Granted. Brace yourselves. Eww. Oh my gosh. Careful, it could be armed and dangerous. Gross! Wait…we’re going down? Down? How far down are we going, Professor? 33 floors. 33 floors?! 33 floors. What is this, a poetry recital? What could possibly be down here? It’s a community college. Death. The beginning. Wait, technically speaking, isn’t death the end? Not for a zombie. The government was partnering with us on some R and D. Research and development. They provided the latest advancements in biotechnology. We supply the eager young minds for tomorrow. To do what? This is where it happened. The beginning of the end. What is this place? So wait, the zombie apocalypse started here? But why? I’ll tell you why, freshman. Because the students…ignored the 5 Rules of Lab Safety. I’m lost. Lab safety – it’s chapter 1 in the textbook. Lab safety is NOT in a textbook. Lab safety is in here. Help him. I don’t really want to. We have lab safety rules to go over, students. Listen closely. Ok, lab safety rule #1: Dress for lab. Long pants, closed-toe shoes. Good. That, not good. And this will never do. It’s time for a lab makeover. Welcome to the lab, boys and girls. Lab safety rule #2: Personal protective equipment. Safety glasses on. Proceed. One item of importance, don’t touch anything. Look out! Oh! Ha ha! It’s not that bad. These nerds seem to know what they’re doing. The ZOMBIE nerds. Looks can be deceiving, pretty boy. So you do like my face? No one said anything about your stupid face. Really? Lab safety rule #3: Always add your acid or base to the solvent. Never the other way around! Hey Einstein, check your Safety Data Sheets. That is cool. Proceed. Rule #4: Safety equipment. Here is the safety shower and eye wash station. GARR! Oops. Always know where your fire extinguisher is.
You never know when it may come in handy. I like your style, freshman. Thank you, professor. That was hot. You’re on fire. Thanks for hosing me off. Yeah, don’t mention it. Let me know if I can return the favor. I got you covered. Safety rule #5: Lab Behavior. Clean up your mess…and no eating in the lab! We should get going. Right. Class dismissed. Oh. Running. Always dispose and then run. Dispose and run. Now run. Run fast! It’s stuck. Get back. This way. Watch your step. Now you know the truth. There are other labs, other schools out there. They have to be warned. That’s exactly right. We’ll go with you, Professor. We know the 5 Rules now. I’m not leaving. But Professor… It’s up to you now. Both of you. What will you do? Rule #5. I’ve got a mess to clean up. Spread the word. Watching the Professor leave, I knew then what I had to do. The war had begun, and only Jack and I had the cure. The 5 rules the professor had taught us. This is Amy Shields, college freshman, 3 days, 18 hours, 12 minutes & I’m still counting. If you’re watching this, you are the resistance. Stay safe out there… and for freak’s sake, follow the 5 rules of lab safety! [music] I will use lab safety knowledge To survive this zombie college. And if we don’t make it through, at least we’ll make an A. And these 5 rules I will acknowledge To survive this zombie college. And if we spread the word to your school We might just save the day. [music] Rule 1 – Dress for the lab, shoes that are closed. No jewelry and no skin exposed Rule 2 – Always wear correct PPE: glasses, gloves, and coats in the laboratory. Rule 3 – Chemical safety for sake’s Pete! Refer to the safety data sheet. Rule 4 – Safety equipment locationÉfire blanket and eye wash station. Rule 5 – Lab behavior must be addressedÉno food, no drink, and clean your mess. And now I know. I will use lab safety knowledge to survive this zombie college. And if we don’t make it through, at least we’ll make an A. And these 5 rules I will acknowledge to survive this zombie college. And if we spread the word to your school, we might just save the day.

44 thoughts to “Zombie College: The 5 Rules of Lab Safety”

  1. But if selling and buying disappears, free selling and buying disappears also. This talk about free selling and buying, and all the other “brave words” of our bourgeois about freedom in general, have a meaning, if any, only in contrast with restricted selling and buying, with the fettered traders of the Middle Ages, but have no meaning when opposed to the Communistic abolition of buying and selling, of the bourgeois conditions of production, and of the bourgeoisie itself.

    You are horrified at our intending to do away with private property. But in your existing society, private property is already done away with for nine-tenths of the population; its existence for the few is solely due to its non-existence in the hands of those nine-tenths. You reproach us, therefore, with intending to do away with a form of property, the necessary condition for whose existence is the non-existence of any property for the immense majority of society.

    In one word, you reproach us with intending to do away with your property. Precisely so; that is just what we intend.

    From the moment when labour can no longer be converted into capital, money, or rent, into a social power capable of being monopolised, i.e., from the moment when individual property can no longer be transformed into bourgeois property, into capital, from that moment, you say, individuality vanishes.

    You must, therefore, confess that by “individual” you mean no other person than the bourgeois, than the middle-class owner of property. This person must, indeed, be swept out of the way, and made impossible.

    Communism deprives no man of the power to appropriate the products of society; all that it does is to deprive him of the power to subjugate the labour of others by means of such appropriation

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