The Last Programmer | Hacking the Pandemic

The Last Programmer | Hacking the Pandemic

Far in the distant future, the virus has wiped out 99% of humanity. People stopped going to work, the food ran out, cities collapsed. A great battle was fought
between the infected versus the non infected — we lost. The last human is a lone programmer. The year is 2020. I guess I didn’t need all
this toilet paper after all. What’s up, what’s going on out there? It’s uh… pretty quiet. …Haven’t heard anything for a
while. I was kind of hoping that somebody else would
take care of this mess but some things you just got to do yourself. Siri, give me a status update. “99% worldwide infection all systems down.” Well, we’ve got our work cut out for us. Maybe it’s time I come out of retirement. Let’s see, the virus is composed of a protein mitochondrial shell guarded by a double helix strand
protecting an inner core. This membrane is then
fused into the human cells upon infection leading
to exponential growth and collapse of the host. But, if we can insert a
computer virus into the virus, then we can hack it into it to
override it, neutralizing it. It might actually work. In fact, this might be a
pretty good interview question. Do we have any interns? Let’s bring in an intern. Oh right, fine, do it myself. Assuming this all works,
I’d still be the last human on Earth but at least I’d
be safe from infections from other people but there aren’t any. Clever… I’ve got it. By reverse engineering the RNA I was able to decompile the viral genome
into its base-4 encoding. It’s basically using a
simple virality mechanism, no different that how Facebook
spams your notifications. By using machine learning,
all I have to do is match for a pattern using neural networks. Siri, perform a model fit trained on a 98% accuracy classifier. “Evaluating data model
processing… “Insufficient data.” damn it, I almost hacked
into the protein core, but I need more data.
just a little bit more. Come on. “Insufficient data.” “Warning, model evaluation failed.” Useless! it’s just doing a bunch
of stupid pattern matching. We need real algorithms… Fine,
I’ll just brute force it. I have an algorithm
backed by 400 leet codes and a 500K total comp If anything, that should work. Just needs a little bit of Python. It’s like a leet code “medium” —
simple logarithmic partitioning on a recursive queue of union-find trees to locate the viral nucleus. Okay, looking good. Hey Siri, install Python, “Installing Python.” “Insufficient user privileges.” Can’t event get Python to run in the DNA core, it’s unsupported. I never thought I’d
have to resort to this. I thought I buried it in my past long ago. It’s time to bring back React Native, React Native, a cross platform
framework that runs on iOS, Android, Web and should
run on the viral core as well. Let’s see, let me get this installed. Why is it installing all
these random dependencies? What the hell? It’s installing Windows… because of a dependency
on Microsoft PowerPoint? Garbage. What now? JavaScript, it’s the only other
cross platform language that works across all
platforms, it’s our only hope. And as a full stack web developer, let me just say, this is my forte. Lets see, just gonna bring
some jQuery, html5, CSS. Web page loaded. Here we go oh, yeah,
we’re back in business. “Double Helix strand breached.” Almost… I need to descramble
the protein shell. “Warning, virus mutating.” The virus is mutating too fast. I can’t type fast enough. The keys are so mushy
on the damn MacBook Pro. “Warning genome encrypted.” It’s not Pro enough. I can’t even see what I’m typing anymore. There’s so many typos and there’s no type
checking in JavaScript. Does this even compile? What a mess, what a mess, I can’t. The sky, it’s so beautiful. This whole time I don’t think
I ever truly appreciated it. And yet, it’s always been there, This whole time. It’s time to get back to work. I was saving this for a special occasion but might as well use it now. I have a plan. Html, it’s cross platform, and
typos safe, it’s gotta work. “Html is not even a real language.” Shut up Siri I’m putting
it on my resume anyways. “Warning, infection imminent.” Out there, I realized something, even if you can’t see something “Viral core breached” It’s always been there. “The power level is over 9000.” Siri, run the program. “Syntax error, compilation failed.” Compiler’s wrong. Html isn’t
compiled. Deploy to production. “All tests pass.” “Deploying to prod.”

100 thoughts to “The Last Programmer | Hacking the Pandemic”

  1. There's actually a tremendous amount of work in this video. Writing, planning, video angles, lighting, editing, etc.
    Very impressive!

  2. Can you imagine Patrick’s parents walking in on their adult son blindfolded with stuff smeared on his face making erratic movements while pounding on keyboard in front of a camera surrounded by huge rolls of toilet paper! Lol 😂

  3. 👍🏼👍🏼….epic. Techlead is a full-on filmmaker. This is the kind of FU covid-19 attitude…slash leadership…we need right now.

  4. Quick pause, skillshare is an online learning platform where you can learn to use machine learning to rengineer viral DNA

  5. Yo can I tell y’all this insane story yo I was playing this video game and this dude was making money off it because he sold this shit called skill balls and I accidentally frauded them and got them for free because my grandma stopped spoiling me and she said fuck you you can’t buy that shit so then it got reversed on her credit card and the whole server was pissed and was like who th fuck did that and then the dude left and everyone’s like how the fuck is he paying for shit he just gets it for free and they said he worked on the server for like ten years well I played on it for like ten years but anyway also what happened was they let me make my own server too once but I never went through with that shit because I just went to school and shit and tried to do other shit

  6. No I’m tryna learn how to hack becaue then I can play an mmo and just hack all the items and sell them on the internet like this one dude did when I was a kid

  7. TechLead needs to keep making amazing movies like this one.

    I lost it at the "It's installing Windows because of a dependency on Microsoft PowerPoint", ha ha!

  8. I went to school and I still didn’t accomplish one of my dream goals in life of hacking game shark and making a whole game just by changing the hex code on game shark

  9. Dear visitor from outer space,

    the species shown in this rare history file is called a human programmer. It was the role model for the AI1 to AI12 series of planetarian species. It was inatially build in two ways (m +f ), but diversity did not survive. He (m) ran best on coffee in black form or jas-min high-H2O solution. Please note, he was actually going outside, a heroic action in those days. Respect the last TechLead!

  10. bwahahahah 🙂 this is soo funny for programmers..
    And so true.. I am so happy to see you as a filmmaker now!!!

  11. This so reminded me of a 90s hacker film where they hook the laptop up to a 56k modem an after 30 seconds or key hammering they shout "I'm in!"

  12. "compiler is wrong, deploy to production" oh man i wish i could do that, i'm a millionare ex google techlead though

  13. In deep movie preview voice:

    In a time when humanity has fallen. Nations – gone. All succumbed to COVID19. There is one left (explosion sound backed by montage of Techlead hacking the viral core). When he raised the alarm, no one listened (show google and Facebook lol) Now he is all we have!

  14. Just a tip for rookie programmers. HTML and CSS are "Hyper-Frameworked" coding languages :D… and…
    hey! TechLead, watch yourself! Don't become an ex-virologist.

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