Gutfeld: Trump is getting you to think beyond the sale


GREG: HERE’S A SCOOP, YOU ARE MY FAVORITE PERSON. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] ALL RIGHT, ENOUGH. THE BIG NEWS THIS WEEK, DONALD TRUMP ANNOUNCES PLAN TO RUN FOR REELECTION. WHY IS THIS BIG NEWS? IT’S 980 DAYS AWAY. [LAUGHTER] [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] THAT, MY FRIENDS, IS HILARIOUS. WHO DIDN’T LAUGH WHEN THEY HEARD THAT? 980 DAYS AWAY AND THE GUY JUST FLIPPED OFF THE MEDIA AND ACADEMIA AND EVERYONE WHO DOES YOGA IN THE PARK. YOU KNOW WHAT HE IS DOING? HE’S GETTING YOU TO THINK BEYOND THE SALE. FORGET THE COLLUSION BUSINESS AND LET’S TALK ABOUT 2020. REAL ESTATE AGENTS INTO THIS ALL THE TIME. THEY SHOW YOU THE BASEMENT AND THEY SAY THIS IS PERFECT FOR YOUR POOL TABLE OR PERHAPS THAT TRYING TO LOSE JOBS. [LAUGHTER] MINE IS BUILT OUT OF HAMSTER SKULLS AND THE TRACK AND THE TRICK IS TO TALK TO YOU AS IF YOU HAD ALREADY CITED TO BUY THE HOUSE IN TRUMP IS TALKING TO YOU THE SAME WAY ABOUT THE WHITE HOUSE. YOU KNOW, I CAN ALREADY SEE THE CAMPAIGN AD.>>IT’S THE RESURRECTION OF THE LAST ELECTION WITH AN AGENDA INCLUDING DOUBLING THE HEIGHT OF THE WALL AND ESTABLISHING THE EXTREME SUPREME COURT. IT FUNDS THE NEW DEPARTMENT OF TIME TRAVEL. RALLIES ON EVERY QUARTER WITH FIREWORKS INSIGHTS AND THE BEST PART EVERYONE WITH A POOL GETS A FREE SHARK. ALL OF YOU DELEGATES OUT THERE, THE FIRST ONE ON BOARD GETS IT BECOMES AMBASSADOR TO JUPITER. TRUMP 2020, THE PERFECT DIVISION THAT WILL CRUSH YOUR FACE. GREG: PRETTY POWERFUL STUFF. HOW WILL THE DEMOCRATS RESPOND AND WILL IT BE OPERA OR LIVE, BERNIE OR WILL IT BE SOMEWHAT SURPRISING AND UNKNOWN SHOWS UP AT THE LAST MINUTE TO SAVE THE DAY.>>USA. TIRED OF THEM EATING THE HELP FROM ALL THIS TESTOSTERONE. HE’S YOUNG EDUCATED AND [INAUDIBLE]. HE KNOWS WHAT AMERICANS WANT. MORE OF EVERYTHING AND WHERE YOU CAN WORK ON YOUR SCREENPLAY ABOUT YOUR SUCCESS ABROAD. UNLIKE OTHER CANDIDATES HE WILL MAKE THE MOST OF HIS EXECUTIVE TIME BY CRYING INTO A PILLOW. BOTH REGINALD FOR PRESIDENT BUT ONLY IF YOU WANT TO, NO WORRIES, IT’S TOTALLY COOL EITHER WAY. GREG: YES, REGINALD, HE HAS MOXIE. I KEEP AN EYE ON HIM. SOME OF YOU MIGHT THINK THAT ANNOUNCING NOW IS TOO SOON AND I SAY NOT SOON ENOUGH. I WAS MAD THAT TRUMP DIDN’T ANNOUNCE HE WAS RUNNING FOR REELECTION WHEN HE ANNOUNCED HE WAS RUNNING FOR ELECTION. [LAUGHTER] SAME TIME. IT LEADS ME TO A BIGGER POINT. REMEMBER LAST WEEK WHEN TRUMP SAID THIS –>>WHAT HAPPENS IS YOU FIGHT SO HARD TO WIN THE PRESIDENCY AND YOU FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT AND NOW ONLY TWO YEARS THAT’S A VERY SHORT PERIOD AND BY THE TIME YOU START CAMPAIGNING IT’S A YEAR AND NOW YOU GOT TO GO AND FIGHT AGAIN. GREG: IT MAKES ME LAUGH. WHAT HE IS SAYING IS IF YOU ARE A POLITICIAN ALL YOU’RE DOING IS TRYING TO REMAIN ONE AND HIS UPFRONT TELLING US THAT THE MATTER WHAT THE MEDIA SAYS WERE STUCK WITH HIM FOR NOW AND IT’S NOT LIKE THE MEDIA IS UPSET. IMAGINE IF TRUMP LOSES HOW BORING WILL THAT BE IN AT LEAST HE MAKES THE PRESS WORKED FOR LIVING AND UNLIKE PRESIDENT OBAMA RECENTLY SAID HIS WHITE HOUSE WAS A SCANDAL.>>WE DIDN’T HAVE A SCANDAL THAT EMBARRASSED US. YOU DIDN’T HEAR ABOUT TRAUMA IN OUR WHITE HOUSE. GREG: TRUE. YOU DIDN’T HEAR A LOT OF SCUTTLEBUTT BUT THAT IS BECAUSE A REPORTER WOULD HAVE BEEN OSTRACIZED BY HER PEERS. IF THE WHITE HOUSE WERE A BOWL OF SOUP THE PRESS WAS A LADLE IN THE SPOON NEVER STOPPED. [LAUGHTER] THAT IS A MIXED METAPHOR AND IT’S A TERRIBLE METAPHOR. NOW YOU HAVE THE PRESS CHASING DOWN EVERY HOT MORE SO LET’S BE HONEST, THERE ARE A LOT OF THEM BECAUSE IT COMES WHITE HOUSE IS THE MOST TRANSPARENT THING SINCE BRIAN SELTZER’S HAIR ALL RIGHT, I THINK WE HAVE A FLASH FORWARD EVER SINCE WE IRAN REGINALD ADD’S POPULARITY IS SKYROCKETING. LET’S TAKE A LOOK AT THE NUMBERS. IT’S ONLY BEEN A FEW MINUTES BUT WE HAVE UNDECIDED, 2%, OPRAH AND LIZ ARE TIED AT ZERO AND REGINALD IS AT 90%. THAT’S A TESTAMENT TO THE POWER OF THE SHOW. LET’S FACE IT, TRUMP IS NO WALK IN THE PARK UNLESS THAT PARK IS FULL OF PIT BULLS. HE’S A ONE-MAN WRECKING CREW AND EVERY DAY HE DOES SOMETHING THAT SHOCKS OR ANGERS OR TAKES YOU LAUGH AND SOMETIMES I THINK HE SAYS STUFF JUST TO SAY STUFF. HE IS STILL LIKABLE BECAUSE THE PEOPLE WHO HATE HIM SO IRRATIONALLY ARE SO IRRITATING. THE EMOTIONAL OUTBURST HE CAUSES AMONG THEM MAKES HIM APPEALING AND EVERY TIME AN ACTOR WEEPS OVER TRUMPS BEHAVIOR I LIKE HIM A LITTLE MORE. THAT IS RIGHT. I CAN’T WAIT FOR THE OSCARS. THAT IS RIGHT.
I CAN’T WAIT FOR THE OSCARS. LET’S WELCOME TONIGHT’S GUESTS. HE’S SO SHARP THAT PEOPLE SCREAM OUT WHEN HE ENTERS THE RING FOX NEWS RADIO HOST, TOM A LOOP. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] THIS MAN IS FUNNIER THAN A CLOWN CHOKING ON A WILL BE CUSHION MADE OF SILLY STRING, HIS NEW BOOK EVERYONE SHOULD BUY IT CALLED EVERYONE IS AWFUL EXCEPT YOU. [INAUDIBLE] GIVE HER LIBERTY AND A SHOT OF TEQUILA, KAT SIMS. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] AND FORMER BODYGUARD AND MASSIVE SIDEKICK, TRUMP — WHY DID I CALL YOU TRUCK. TYRUS. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] TOM, THOUGHTS ON THIS EARLY ANNOUNCEMENT?>>I MEAN, I WAS WE HAD THIS ESCALATOR LAST TIME AND HE SHOULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING LIKE THE ESCALATOR BUT THERE AREN’T ESCALATORS OF THE WHITE HOUSE, ARE THERE? GREG: THERE SHOULD BE.>>THAT’S FOR THE NEXT TERM. GREG: EXACTLY. WHY DON’T THEY HAVE ESCALATORS IN THE WHITE HOUSE? THAT SEEMS LIKE SOMETHING THAT SHOULD BE UPDATED. I GET THE PRESENTS THAT THE WHITE HOUSE SMELLS OLD. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? WHEN YOU GO TO YOUR GRANDMOTHER’S HOUSE.>>IN THE CANDY BOWLS WHICH ARE STUCK TOGETHER LIKE A BIG ROCK. [LAUGHTER] GREG: THAT’S IN CASE THERE ARE INTRUDERS COMING IN AND IT HIT THE INTRUDERS BUT LOOK SO GOOD AND YOU CAN EAT IT AFTERWARD CODING IN THE INTRUDERS BLOOD. TIM, WELCOME TO THE PROGRAM. WHAT IS YOUR THOUGHTS ON THE EARLY ANNOUNCEMENT. IS IT GOOD THING OR BAD THING BUT.>>GOOD THING. A MEMBER OF THE PRESS THAT HE DIDN’T WANT THE JOB BUT NOW HE’S MISERABLE AND HE’S IN THE WHITE HOUSE AND HATES IT AND IT’S A DUMP AND HE DOESN’T WANT TO BE THERE AND HE DIDN’T THINK HE WOULD WIN AND EVERYONE IN HIS LIKE WHAT YOU DO NOW IS ALL BS. JUST LIKE HE HAD DEMENTIA AND WE WERE TO GET NUKES BY NORTH KOREA AND THAT WAS HAPPENING AND HE’S DOING AN HOUR AND A HALF SPEECH ABOUT TELEPROMPTERS THAT DOESN’T SOUND LIKE DEMENTIA. GREG: IT IS INTERESTING, CAT, THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT HE WOULD BE DOING IF PEOPLE TREAT THIS IS SOMETHING NEW BUT IS PART OF THE WHOLE PLAN OF TRUMP. YEAH, I’M RUNNING AND I’M NOT GOING ANYWHERE.>>IT’S ALSO THE PLAN OF MOST PEOPLE WHO ARE THE PRESIDENT ONCE. THEY GENERALLY DO RUN AGAIN. GREG: BUT NOT THIS EARLY. WAS IT PRESIDENT OBAMA ANNOUNCED 500 DAYS FOR?>>YOU MUST HAVE JUST HAD A REALLY GOOD DAY IN HIS PERSONAL LIFE AND I DON’T KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THAT MEANS BUT I’D BE INTERESTED TO KNOW WHAT SERIES OF EVENTS SAID RIGHT NOW IS THE DAY. GREG: I DON’T KNOW, TYRUS, WOULD YOU MAKE OF THIS? DO THINK HE WAS TRYING TO DEFLECT AWAY FROM CERTAIN ISSUES BY LIKE THINKING BEYOND THE SALE? I DON’T THINK ON THE SCANDALS.>>NO, NO, I THINK, I’VE BEEN HERE BEFORE. HIM IN THE MEDIA THEY HAVE A REALLY ROUGH CODEPENDENT RELATIONSHIP. GREG: THAT IS TRUE. THEY ARE LIKE THE COUPLE THE WORLD AND WALMART.>>YEAH, AND YOU GOT TO GET AROUND THEM WITH YOUR CART. GREG: DON’T MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH EITHER.>>AND THEN THEY WILL TURN ON YOU. GREG: YOU TRY TO CALM THEM DOWN ANY TURN AGAINST YOU.>>I LIKE TO STOP AND WATCH.>>I JUST DON’T LOOK BUT TRUMP IS KIND OF LIKE THE GIRLFRIEND WHO PULLS YOU ASIDE BY YOUR BEST FOR YOU ON THE SHOW SAYS I’M NOT GOING NOWHERE. WE ARE TOGETHER FOR EVER. [LAUGHTER] AND I FEEL LIKE THE MEDIA THOUGHT THEY HAD MOMENTUM AND BEGOT NEW STUFF IN CUSTER’S TROUBLE AND HOPE NEXT THING AND HE’S IN TROUBLE NOW AND EVERYONE IS LEAVING AND HE’S DONE AND HE SAID TO LET YOU KNOW I’LL BE BACK IN 2020 AS WELL AND SO YOU CANNOT LET HIM KNOW — [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] GREG: I DO THIS WHENEVER I’M IN TROUBLE WITH MY WIFE, IF I ALWAYS COME UP WITH SOMETHING ELSE LIKE A WAIT A MINUTE, WE SHOULD THINK OF A PLACE TO GO ON HER ANNIVERSARY LIKE WE SHOULD GO TO THE BAHAMAS AND I’M TRYING TO GET HER TO THINK BEYOND THROWING ME OUT. [LAUGHTER]>>LIKE THE FABULOUS PRIZES IF YOU STICK IT WITH ME NOW YOU ON THIS VACATION.>>IT BUYS YOU A FEW MORE MONTHS. GREG: YEAH, IT BUYS ME A FEW MORE MONTHS.>>I KNOW I LEAST I HAVE FOUR MONTHS TO LOOK FOR A NEW PLACE. [LAUGHTER]>>LET’S BE HONEST, THE MEDIA IS PROBABLY HAPPY HE SAID THAT BECAUSE THEY WILL HAVE SECURITY FOR AT LEAST ANOTHER SIX. GREG: I NEED THEM.>>ALSO, THE RESISTANT NEEDS THEM. GREG: ANY PEOPLE TO WATCH MY SHOW.>>THE RESISTANT NEEDS THEM AS WELL AND I THANK YOU. NOW THAT THEY KNOW HE IS RUNNING THEY ALWAYS OVERPLAYED THEIR HAND AND THEY WILL THE RESISTANCE WILL BE OUT THERE AND WHAT THEY DO IS THEY COME BACK AT TRUMP AND EVEN PEOPLE WHO DON’T LIKE THE PRESIDENT THEY LOOK AT THE ALTERNATIVE AND THEY SAY NO. GREG: YOU KNOW WHAT — A LOT OF POSITIVE TONIGHT. THE ONE THING I HATE ABOUT THIS UPCOMING ELECTION IS THAT IT’S 2020 WHICH MEANS YOU’LL GET A LOT OF SLOGANS THAT HAVE TO DO WITH VISION LIKE, YOU KNOW, I DON’T KNOW, BERNIE SANDERS,

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